What happens when you open the Chamber of Secrets?

I believe it's important to have a handful of positive and purposeful role models in order to identify characteristics to aspire to and possibly emulate. Positive role models can make big dreams seem tangible - often enough they have put their own big dreams into reality. They provide a great way to truly know that big dreams are achievable. I believe they can also help you figure out how you want to present yourself to the world and your purpose in life. However, positive role models don't have to be larger-than-life, colossal beings of mankind...they can be as simple as your mum, your teacher, your friend. Keep in mind though, all role models come with a disclaimer that echoes Judy Garland: always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of someone else.

I have many positive role models for different aspects of my life, and I hope to pay tribute to them in this blog from time to time. Today, though, I want to mention a role model whom I believe embodies the spirit of a strong, confident, and against-all-odds type of woman: JK Rowling.

I first "met" JK Rowling in my Year 7 English class, when Ben gave a book report presentation on "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone". I had heard about Harry Potter and had already decided that I would not enjoy those kind of books - under no circumstances was I going to read them. One day though, my dad came back from a trip to England and brought with him the first two books of the series. Generally we got new books, I would grab them and devour them - since I was a much faster reader than my sister. This time though, she was having none of it, and claimed the first book. I hadn't yet mastered any semblance of patience, so I started reading the second book (which is heavily dependent on the plot line of the first book), was pretty much confused throughout the whole thing, but still loved it! I finally just took the first book from Leanne, and born was another believer in Harry Potter. I cannot even tell you the number of times I have read the Harry Potter books. I cried so much during the 7th book, because I grew up with those characters...they were my friends and it hurt so much when some of them died.

There are very few books and authors that can make you feel the way that JK Rowling does. The feeling of being completley lost in a book is something that I've experienced less and less as I've grown older - I think it's partially because I have less belief in the fantasy world, and the authors these days are just not cutting it. Take a look at Twilight! I love reading, and that automatically makes JK Rowling a heroine of mine. She's right up there with Louisa May Alcott!

However, JK Rowling is so much more than an author. She has a story of true perserverance and that showcases how far the belief in one little idea can take you. She faced tragedy through her mother's death, and the disintegration of her first marriage; when Harry Potter waltzed into her life she was poor. Under those circumstances to have the courage to write a book is truly admirable.

I remember one time she wrote a post for girls on her website. She had gone to a party, and an acquaintance that she hadn't seen for some time commented on how much weight she had lost. This completely baffled JK Rowling because she felt that it was so superficial - she had published books in that time, gotten married, and all the other woman could see was the weight loss. JK Rowling wrote in her post how she wanted more than that for her daughters - she wanted them to not be focused on their weight, but instead to focus on having accomplishments, and being creative. I think that's something that should be emphasised more in today's society.

I also love how down-to-earth JK Rowling still is, even though she's one of the richest people in Europe. She is truly inspiring, and I wish that there were many more strong women out there like her!

What ticks your clock?

I often ask myself: What gets me ticking? What inspires me to wake up in the morning and just be?! 

One would think that at 23 I would be able to answer those questions. Disappointingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, I'm not quite able to. I take comfort in the fact that people much older than me are still asking themselves those same questions, and still have no answers. I have also decided to ignore the fact that people younger than me have very convincing and well-thought-out responses. 

When I ask myself those questions words like...ambition, positivity, violin, and tennis spring to mind. Don't judge...those are just spur of the moment words, and let's keep in mind I'm writing this at 1.30 in the freaking am. Now I play the violin, well below my actual potential, and I used to play tennis. Ambition and positivity seem like good traits to have in one's life...but yea, I think it's pretty sad if that's all that comes to mind. I was hoping by now that I would have discovered my life's passion, and just go forth with that. Maybe those random words are really a signal telling me I really need to figure it out. 

I always mean to sit down and think about what gets me going in life, and then apply it. While I suppose writing a post like this one isn't really the way to address the situation, at least I'm putting it in the forefront of my brain. I especially want to figure out what gets me going as a graduate student. I've sat down a few times and kind of half-assed this...but I've never really figured out the whole thing. I have made up my mind to make a concerted effort to, at least, figure out those questions in regards to graduate school - I made the first step this morning by e-mailing a couple of profs I know for a sit down talk on graduate school advice. I hate asking for advice, so this is a big step for me - it always scares me that people will think I'm not very clever or that I've thought about asking for advice too late. It's important to face fear though. Hopefully they don't mind talking to me, and give me some useful information that I can benefit from!

Coach John Wooden - words of wisdom

A couple of weeks ago I watched a TED talk given by Coach John Wooden on the true meaning of success. I was absolutely riveted by this calm and composed 91 year old man (at the time of the talk) imparting his life’s wisdom on what it means to be successful.

For those of you who don’t know, Coach Wooden is considered to be the greatest basketball coach – as the head coach of UCLA, he won 10 NCAA championships in 12 years, just one aspect of his many great achievements.

He defined success in a completely unique way: “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.” Now that’s a version of success that I had never heard before! To me, success always meant achieving A+’s, making lots of money, having beautiful possessions…and being happy. Except from the last part, all my visualizations of success have been oriented around material possessions and outdoing other people. John Wooden also lived by the words of his father, who said: don’t worry about whether you’re better than somebody else, but never cease trying to be the best you can become. Our society places such great emphasis on being better than others – but it’s true, what one person achieves doesn’t really affect the contribution you have made or the success that you have achieved. I struggle a lot with the constant need to compare myself and my progress against others. I continually do it at the lab, and sometimes it drives me insane, especially when I see others advance for apparently no reason – but I realize I should focus on being the best that I can be, and leave others to be the best that they can be.

I highly recommend this talk, if only to question why our society doesn’t focus more on success at a personal level.

Bringing healthy back

Due to my funding dilemma and my doubts in my experimental abilities this past week, my eating habits have really taken a hit! It's easy keeping on track when at the lab, because I have set eating times, and a limited access to free food...but once I get home, it's non-stop face stuffing. Granted the food I'm eating is not unhealthy, but the sheer amount chowed down has led to a gigantic increase in calories.

I've always had this problem with emotional eating. In first year university, I was depressed for most of the year, ate like a wild boar, and subsequently put on 20 pounds.

I always find it so hard to control my emotional eating. It's usually why I only stock my place with healthy food, so if I go on a rampage, the most damage I can inflict on myself is with granola. Mmm granola.

Guess it's just a battle I have to continuously keep fighting and a problem I always have to keep my eye on. I find it's so much more difficult in the winter, because the cold can be such a downer. I can't wait for summer to come, so I can wear some shorts, walk to the lab everyday, and hit up the beach! Come soon summer!

Focusing on the positive

I've always been a silver lining type of girl, looking for the little bit of salvagable good in any given situation. However, these days I seem to focus more on the negative side of things. I worry that people will see the negative in me, so much so, that sometimes I forget about the positive.

Focusing on the negative gives license to spiraling into craziness. While everyone has a little bit of crazy in them, it can hardly be any good to let the crazy rule the roost. When this happens I find even the smallest of tasks incredibly difficult to get through, and find myself lying on my couch in a lethargic state as soon as I get home. Granted it might be all the running I'm doing these days, but it feels like there's a strange edge to the tiredness I am feeling.

I'm trying to focus more on the positive, and turn negative situations into experiences that I can learn from. There is always something to learn from everything if you look hard enough, or actually if you just simply accept the life lesson packaged inside the obviously not-so-desired-experience.

Stress

I think I have to come up with a good game plan to finish my Masters, and evaluate what I haven't been doing correctly so far.

My main goal, right now, is to finish in August 2011, and to eventually publish with the data I obtain. I don't mind working after I'm done to get the paper out, but I feel that in order to be taken seriously, and my degree to really mean something, I have to publish.

I have a lot of experiments to get done, and animal work can be an absolute bitch. I wasted so much time in early January doing an experiment that wasn't working, because our previous lab tech forget to tell me a pretty important point about it. Thankfully it got sorted out...but such a waste of time, antibodies, and mice.

The main thing is that I am not entirely sure what experiments I need to do. I have been so busy, since before the Christmas break, trying to optimise the baseline experiment, that I haven't given much thought to anything else. Now it's optimised and the data is collected...now I have to figure out what to do with the blasted data, and where to go from here.

I guess I just feel really stressed, and I have a horrible tendency to shut down and literally do nothing when I feel this way. I am really going to have to power through this feeling and work through my doubts.

I have a second committee meeting at the end of March, so we'll see where I am then.

Short end of the stick

My official end date for my Masters is supposed to be August 2011, given that I started in September 2009. You're allocated 2 years to complete your thesis, from which you can decide to defend or transfer to do you PhD, at my university.

I switched supervisors in April 2010, and so have been working on my project for roughly 9 months. When I switched, they informed me that my start date would remain the same, which I was ok with, because I planned on transferring.

However, as of late, my plans to transfer have changed, and I made inquiries as to my end date. My project is has great breadth, and can definitely extend into a PhD. I also had to switch from bench work, where you could do multiple experiments in a day, to animal work. My project started from scratch and none of the techniques I learnt before applied in my new lab. So really, having a year and 5 months to complete this thesis is not the best situation!

Today, I officially found out that if I am unable to finish in August, I will have to petition my grad program to extend my Masters, have my committee agree upon it (which I don't see any reason why they wouldn't), and then pay an extra year of tuition. That's $6000+!! Also, I doubt I would receive a stipend. How am I going to pay my tuition, my rent, and everything else? Thank goodness I have savings, but they are now going to take such a hard hit!!!!! I could move back home to my parents...but then I'd have to commute, and I am a bitch when I commute.

They don't even have reduced tuition anymore for people in my circumstances...I guess because not many grad students decide to switch supervisors.

I really want to finish by August, but my project switched direction in October, and I only recently optimised the core experiment. These types of situations just fill me with doubts in my abilities, and it's so easy to imagine the worse case scenario. Guess my not-so-vibrant social life is going to take a further hit!

Sometimes I wonder if it's a waste of my youth to be stuck in the lab, in a dark room for hours, hoping to make an experiment work, when I could be enjoying myself...or at least getting more job satisfaction for the effort put in. Sadly, I think I already know the answer to that!